REFLECTION: Awakening Fast!!!

Once again, the Awakening Fast was AWESOME! This is the third year of doing it and each year God has met me in a unique way.

This year I was really challenged by Pastor Joey's teaching on our "Love walk," especially in my work place. With the continuous changes in our work and corporate structure, it has really taken a toll on my personality and I feel like I had just allowed myself to become bitter, unpleasant and overall negative. I was un-open and unreceptive to the new requirements and all I could ever see was negative in every "new" thing brought to the table. I was unwelcoming to my boss and just overall I felt like I'd somewhat lost "me" in the workplace - or maybe it was that I found "me" so that God could deal with it and I lose myself again to be found in Him. Regardless, after those messages, I purposed to change my attitude towards work and especially my heart towards my new boss who truthfully hasn't done anything wrong - she's just become the "image" of all of this change. Within the first week of seeking God on that and purposing to be intentional at work, she actually thanked me at the end of that week, saying I seemed much different than I have been and it made her pleased.

Yesterday again she came to me as she was leaving and said, "Thank you! Thank you for the energy you brought today, I've really enjoyed your attitude and excitement lately."

To me, these two dialogues were confirmations of God's grace in this situation because inside I still want to be negative and unyielding, but He's helping me.

After the service on our love walk, that very night I got to leave the service to meet up with 4 co-workers and DO the very thing that God was dealing with my heart on in that service - loving others. It was a great time of talking, sharing testimony and encouraging them in unique ways that aren't as easy to come by when we are in the workplace. I was thankful for that night.

Also, the very last day of the fast (I went all the way through the 21st day and didn't break it at noon), that night a friend texted me who is dealing with some hard issues and forgiving herself over them. God gave me the opportunity to meet her that night and we just had what I feel was a very fruitful and mutually encouraging conversation and I was thankful that God saw fit to use me in that moment. I couldn't think of a better way to spend the last evening of the fast.

Then on the day we broke the fast (Sunday), I seriously almost shed tears when we had the potluck. It may sound a bit silly, but I was so thankful God gave me the grace to walk through the fast in its entirety, even when MANY temptations were around when it comes to food, but then by that same grace, he gave food (abundantly) at the end of it. With me struggling with weight and food in general, the reason this day meant so much to me is because I was reading a few reading plans during the fast, one being a 21 day plan based off the book, Made to Crave. For those 21 days it was talking about how we can began to crave other things (food being one of them) more than God. IT was about exchanging those cravings for the only One who can ever satisfy us in any area! For the first time during this fast, God used it to show me a different light on my food addictions and need for Him. When it comes to food, I'm so used to this instant gratification where I crave something and I feed the craving and can do it to whatever abundance I please and never truthfully have to "want" for it much at all. I've grown so used to food of any and all kinds being at my disposal and so easily accessible that I had forgotten that God is my provider in that area as well and I truthfully had lost thanksgiving over food. Yes, I'd pray before a meal and thank Him, but I never was truly seeing it in my heart that He was the provider of it. I was. Want a burger, go to Burger King. Craving waffle fries, swipe my debit card at Chick-fil-A. The day the fast broke, I truly had an appreciation to God for the food that was in front of me and when it was absent from my life, it so increased my dependence on Him...it wasn't  until we broke it that I realized I need to depend on Him for something such as "food" as well. When that was something I wasn't used to having for 3 weeks, I was SO appreciative of "pleasant" food.

One of the things in the reading that is coming from the story of the rich young man who came to Jesus. The writer of this devo says:

Jesus meant His comment for any of us who wallow in whatever abundance we have. I imagine Jesus looked straight into this young man’s soul and said, “I want you to give up the one thing that you crave more than Me.”

For me, I was like the rich young man when it came to eating. I refused healthier breakfast options, such as egg whites and fruit, while filling myself with candy-sprinkled doughnuts. I choose soda instead of water, chips instead of carrot sticks. Even when my sugar high crashed and I complained of splitting headaches, sluggishness, and unwanted extra weight, I steadfastly refused to even consider giving up my daily brownie.

God made us capable of craving so that we’d have an unquenchable desire for more of Him, and Him alone. Nothing changes until we make the choice to redirect our misguided cravings to the only One capable of satisfying them.

This was part of the reading from Day 2 of 21 and I've continued thinking about how I need to keep on living in a manner where I don't instantly gratify my cravings of the flesh when it comes to food (or anything else) - regardless of the fast being over. It's when I get in the habit of that instant gratification that I lose sight of how I need to Praise and THANK God for His gift that even allows me to partake.

Another excerpt from the devo and then I'll stop writing a book:

One day I looked up the definition of the word indulge, which means “unrestrained action.” And for me, it was unrestrained eating. You see, eating in its proper context is not the problem. God gave us food for nourishment, strength, and even celebration.

But when pleasure becomes unrestrained, there’s a problem.

I had to get honest enough to admit it that I relied on food more than I relied on God. I craved food more than I craved God. Chocolate was my comfort and deliverer. Cookies were my reward. Salty chips were my joy. Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness, and even in times of happiness.

I want to keep trusting in God, even when it comes to food. I think grasping this now will also help me when I go to Guatemala where we will be meeting people who couldn't even fathom the food we have at our disposal. Just because there is an abundance in America, I don't want to abuse it.

God has met me in great ways over the past 3 weeks and I'm thankful! He's given me opportunities to step outside of myself and be used as well as building me back up when I'd felt really broken down.